Do I look like a Yogi?

So I go to yoga at named studios in my branded yoga clothes with my well known mat and ethical, homemade organic mat bag. I take my well known make of water bottle and take yoga selfies with my commercially known phone. I browse the up to the moment brands of yoga and flick through the yoga magazine full of adverts of recycled leggings. I look at the latest celeb yoga Instagram and follow on Twitter the celeb yoga Gurus, yet I am totally on the yogic path! exaggeration I know but this is my point. I like comfy and loose clothing which feels cosy when practicing yoga- if I feel comfortable then I can relax into my practice- too small too tight but has a tiny logo means I spend the whole time pulling and tugging at my clothes rather than steadying in mountain pose. At home I practice in either my minion or batman men's lounge pants and a vest. Prior to going to a class I spend at least 30 mins matching an outfit looking in the mirror and checking my clothes are right. In class I look on the back of the clothes for the familiar logos, compare my £5 vest to the £45 sports Bra top of the other women. This is all before comparing body shape and the ability to perform advanced asana. As a trainee teacher I'm trying to be mindful of my 'look' to ensure my students don't feel the same pressures and friends don't get bored of yoga legging spam. Reading Teaching Yoga: Exploring the Teacher-Student Relationship

by Donna Farhi I read the chapter "what teachers should wear". laughed at it at first that this was a chapter in a book, surely if you can't work this out maybe YTT isn't the best option for you? However how I dress and present myself to a class sets the mood of the class. I love my regular teacher 

as she wears tiedye leggings- when doesn't tiedye make you feel happy. I'm starting a collection of bright and colourful trousers brand or no brand and using the Mat I feel happiest with not the one with the famous logos. I'm appreciating the instagrammers for their dedication and commitment to their practice to reach advanced poses and still snearing a little at the XL of yoga clothes being anything but XL but I'm happier and I love my guns and roses vest to practice in! 

YTT new stuff

So YTT starts in a few weeks so I’m getting ready for the next adventure to start. I like to view thinks as moving from one adventure to the next and put everything I do into segments. I have just come through the other side of the adventure now titled ‘the wedding’ and all is a bit calmer. So next adventure needs a title. I’m anxiously reading up on advised texts and ones that weren’t advised in order to appear wise and in the know. I’ve also been practicing more and excusing myself for taking time for this as “its part of the course” why I need to excuse spending time on my practice I don’t know. I have developed strength and more consistency in my practice which has become noticeable when I attend class and don’t wish the clock would speed up. Anyway, I’ve brought new sticky towels and purchased funky yoga pants and debating a nice new holdall for the weekend. All these things to cover up that I’m really anxious about the weekend.

Who will I have to share with?

What if I don’t like the food?

What if they are all better than me?

What if they can do handstand?

What if I injure myself?

What if they want to hug loads?

How to I pee without the people I’m sharing with hearing?

Did I mention I have new funky yoga pants and new sticky towel??????

My name is laura and I don't like sun salutations!

Every class I take starts with a sun salutation of some form.

I don't like sun salutations.

There I've said it! I don't like the flow, I don't like the order and I don't like the repetitiveness. I understand it's purpose- to ignite the fire and start to focus the mind. I also like the poses in the flow- I just don't like the flow?

Instead of calming the mind and meeting with the mat ready for the following asana, instead I get 10 minutes of monkey chitta vritti going on in my head. 

See example of my monkey mind:


Mountain pose- ooh look a spider on the ceiling,


Forward fold- crap I didn't paint my toes nails,


Plank- oh hello stomach muscles, we meet again,


Chaturanga- ummmm teachers not looking, quick belly flop,


Cobra- creaky bones there,


Down dog- oooh stretch that feels nice, little cheeky tail wiggle,


Jump feet- Yup I can do this,


Forward fold- OK near the end, don't look at toes!


Mountain- please not another round, Please!


All that self criticising, self analysis narration going on in my head. I don't know why I don't like it, this is only a recent thing. I'm not sure if it's the drive to practice advance poses later in the class that makes me want to move on or that I am so used to the flow I don't concentrate and focus?

Ahhh focus, that is probably the problem. I've had my frantic rush to class, quick chit chat with fellow yogis, sitting on the mat, listening to teacher..... maybe I'm not focused at the start of class on yoga? 
Maybe I'm so hyped up with getting to class that I'm not focused when I start?
Maybe this is the point of sun salutations... getting you focused to start your practice? After a few rounds of this flow I don't like I do feel ready to start practice. Have I just taught myself the lesson?

To test this theory I'm not going to start my next practice with a sun salutation but do it somewhere else in the practice, when I’m more focused and strong and then let's see if I change my mind on the salutations to the sun.

a sneezy wheezy yoga lesson

After the decision was made to start teacher training I seem to have struggled to do any yoga. Work has been manic and trying to get home for class has proved really hard. Getting through the door with 30 minutes to say hi to the hubby, hear about school day from little yogi, pat the dog, stroke the cat, get changed, get changed again as I felt frumpy in the first outfit, grab my mat and get back into the car is proving very stressful. To add to all this I have become ill with a cold which has completly depleted my energy. Then last week the yoga class was for a charity donation to an autistic charity- one I'm personally close to. So I got my mat and headed out with a stuffy nose a wheeze and a sneeze. However the sneezy yoga class was a real 'yoga moment'. Backing off from poses and not pushing myself to the ultimate was a really humbling experience, forgoing handstand for legs up the wall was especially soothing and was just what I needed. Having an excuse to back off and listen to my body meant I really enjoyed the class. I found subtle differences in my hip alignment in warrior, not bending so deep into the knee meant I could focus on lowering my hips down. Realising that rising into cobra hurt my chest and therefore focused rising from my lower belly to take preasue of my chest. Both of these adjustments I had been told before but the focus on the end pose meant I missed the subtle

movements to get to the end pose. I do like pushing myself and advancing in class however I now physically get that you can take the yoga you need and a higher warrior with lower hips can be as good as a right angle thigh. Last week a gentle stretch and subtle movement really helped me feel better on and off the mat. Often you feel like you have so much to prove in class but it felt good to do yoga to suit me. A very humbling lesson and one I am very glad I learnt before training! 

saying yes to yoga

So it's Sunday and I've got time to reflect on my two days at the om
yoga show, my first as a trainee yoga teacher. Last week I got accepted onto a yoga teacher training course. Still not sure if I'm doing the right thing.
Firstly-it's a lot of money,
Secondly- it's a lot of money
Thirdly- can I teach yoga?
Fourthly- am I ready to tell people- with confidence and not in a jokey, funny, laugh at the irony way- I do yoga and I love it?

Two things this weekend has helped to boost my confidence and help me to say - "I'm going to be a yoga teacher" (and one thing gave it a wobble!)

Friday I did Punk Rock yoga! Now, I am known in my class as the one who tries different class- rooftop yoga, Voga, Bikrim, Iyenga, Kundalini, boxing yoga, doga! Well Friday was punk rock yoga. Comments from my usual fellow yogis was less than enthusiastic however, I went! To be honest the class was based on kundalini which I don't really enjoy. The class was tough and I sweated a lot however I loved the teacher stage diving yogi and his passion and delivery and the ethos of punk rock yoga. I want to specialise in my teaching and want to teach children, teens and adults with a disability. The ethos of Punk Rock Yoga would blend brilliantly with this specialism. Shaking kundalini style to Slayer was awesome and made me feel great. Music is very passionate for me and music can change my mood and my intentions dramatically. This idea could be harnessed brilliantly withing special yoga. Thinking already what we can do to the "happy" song! The following morning my own daughter who struggles with anxiety and social difficulties woke very anxious about her day at the yoga show- shaking to "All I want for Christmas is you" at 07:30 got us both ready for the day ahead.  Also punk rock yoga is about bringing yoga back to everyone. Yoga' as experienced at the weekend can be very elitist (back to my confidence wobble- lady on a legging stand took leggings out of my hand saying these are for slim yogis try these ones!*smile and walk away slowly*)Anyway back to punk rock yoga'   That's who I want to teach -everyone- Especially those that don't know who lululemon are or what raw caco is or have yet to learn that savasana is an actual yoga pose! I hope I have got the ethos from punk rock yoga right- well that's what I got from the class and I brought the book and started a yoga playlist of my music! Ska yoga anyone?

Second day I went with my daughter and my teacher and her daughter. Claire at yogabright gave me so much confidence. At times introducing me to people saying I was doing the training and pointing out bits and pieces I should buy (and avoid!). Claire has been so positive about my training and has never once said "really" or "ok" in that tone you know means "I feel awkward about saying you- yoga- what". My biggest hurdle on this path is my own negative image of myself as a yoga teacher- I need to be confident to tell people "yes I do yoga, yes I love it yes I feel I can offer yoga to others". If my very talented teacher who I trust and follow says so, why shouldn't I trust her. I trust her when my feet are in the air and nose hovering dangerously from the ground so why not about how good I could be as a teacher?

That was my weekend, yoga yoga yoga and yes I loved it and yes I want to be a yoga teacher- all be it listening to slayer and madness.

Photo of the weekend of my very talented daughter saying yes to Ariel yoga!